I have grown more resentful towards people. I am going to be really honest with you. I am not as easy going as I used to be. I am reclusive and remote. I don't often like big groups and I am putting on an act of "being nice" when dealing with people I seldom tolerate.
I figured that my worse fears came true.
My biggest fear in life is rejection and failure. Today, I feel like I've been a failure. I am a failure in relationships. Not because I'm not the right guy. But I figured that I am the "NICE GUY". The doormat. The sap. The sucker. The guy who doesn't ask for much but end up with women who too much of a burden.
I am the guy who going to be single for the rest of my days.
I've dated Black and White women for most of my life. Maybe it's me.... I don't know!
I want more than just being friends.
So why do I continue getting the ones who end up being total disasters?
When I posted Valentine's Day: An Honest Opinion, I mentioned that I was dating a woman who lied about being pregnant. I was devastated by the lies and deception. I gave up a lot to settle down. I seriously felt robbed of my cool relaxed and patient nature.
It was hard but I had to kick her to the curb. I can't trust a person who would deceive me. Especially when it comes to children.
Her name was Jessica. And she managed to hurt me by hiding her pregnancy and lying. I've forgiven her but I don't want nothing to do with her.
You hear the other say they're not like other ones you've dated. I just pretend to listen and act like I care. The moment that ask me, "do me a favor?"
I promise that I will run for the door.
She will realize that when the next person comes into her life will take advantage of her just like she done to me. She will realize that the man she loves is a cheater and user. Something she claim she never was.
A few days later, I met a woman on another social media website for dating. The website is called POF.com. The website is second to OkCupid in the match making industry.
I was cautious about this. The first response from this woman was "come over and party". I was a bit reluctant to head over, but I did. It was early in the morning and I went over. This woman introduced herself as Jennifer, but preferred to be called Jen.
Jen was a 39 year old woman who worked at a specialty restaurant that serves platters such as Bourbon chicken. I was a frequent regular at the location in the city. It would move from its location to be closer to the university. She openly boasted that she was a "spoiled" woman and wanted her man to do everything without question. No problem there. I was willing to do anything for her if I was to get something in return.
So a few hours of talking, we would embrace. Then we ha sex. Yeah, I normally wouldn't have sex with a woman on the first date, but I wanted to repel the memory of Jessica.
But what comes a shocker to me, she admits to me that she's addicted to crack cocaine.
As usual, I normally try to accept people for who they are. I told her that "as long as you don't get me involved in this, I have no problems with you!"
That was a big mistake.
Dating a person who is addicted to drugs can prove to be more of a burden than a woman lying about not being pregnant.
For the next five weeks, I would often come by and spend the night with her. She would ask for money just to do an errand run. I should have known better. She was trying to get dope. She promised that she got me back. According to her, the word was good.
Well I gave her money. And with more money and on top of that alcohol. I was feeding her addiction.
I come to find out that she's relapse after numerous failures in her life. She was the mother of three. Her oldest was given up for adoption and she had fears that her two younger children would be taken away if the law found out she was addicted to drugs. She would tell me that she's trying to quit. And she was hoping to quit so she can get her life back together.
I accepted that. I told her that I hope the best for her and pray that she can overcome her addiction to crack.
But that turned out to be wrong. In the weeks ahead, she would involuntarily get involve with friends, family members and dope boys. Each of these people were involved in drugs or sold drugs.
I was starting to be concerned about her. One day she frantically called saying that a family member stole her vehicle. That caused her to relapse even further into the crack addiction.
A few days without her truck led her to having a nervous breakdown. She would drink heavily, smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day and become more combative.
See being a crack addict makes you restless, combative, paranoid, and reckless.
I found her truck near my neighborhood. Her family member is a drug addict and prostitute. She would steal vehicles and head over to her pimp or a dope boy for shelter.
A few nights of driving her truck after it was stolen was short lived. She would be busted by the law for being caught leaving a known dope spot. She was arrested that night and spend a few nights in the county lock up. The vehicle was impounded.
She would temporarily lose her job. She was depressed and she was saying that it was over. She would end the crack addiction. Wrong.
It caused her to go even further down the hole. She would lie to get a hit. I would take her to work.
I was called one morning and she asked if she could see me. I agreed. She said that she's getting ready to meet me. But asked her why! She knew that I don't want to be associated with dope boys.
She would make up some excuse saying that it's not going to be long. You won't be caught. I'm just going to do this only one time.
I said no. I am not going to drive you to get dope. She goes combative and threatens to end all ties with me. So we argue for a hour and she said leave her alone.
I should have just done that. I could just erase all my troubles and move forward.
But I felt that I was "owed" for all the things rendered during the time I've spent with her. So I tried to reconcile. At first, I thought everything was cool. Alas, it was a bust.
A few days of reconciliation didn't last long. I was called over to her house. She said that she was lonely. So I decide to head over in the dense fog to her home. I go to her home and see her in a daze.
She was drinking Fireball whiskey and all doped up. She had marijuana, some powerful dope and that strong whiskey. The ingredients for belligerent nutcase.
She was extremely paranoid and volatile. She even threaten me with a bat. She told me to get out the house and said that she was "scared" of me.
Again, I never threaten her. I never hit her. I never did anything wrong to her. After she feel asleep, I left.
Before I've left, I wished her well. A few days later, she would text me.
"I just hope you would never do anything that may hurt me or my children," Jennifer said.
I respond back:
"In the beginning, I was not going to respond. After you went off on me, I rather just leave and never look back. Your children are cool. I never would harm children or animals. I didn't do anything wrong to yo. I never stole property or destroyed things. "
Jennifer needs psychological help. She can't find happiness (at least from me) if you're still binging on alcohol and dope.
If there was a God, he wouldn't never put me into these peoples lives.
Someone told me that I had a heart. I was told that I have a big heart but that seems to be my passive beliefs in helping others.
I mean I am going to warn all singles! Don't believe the hype!
You can't find love online. No, let me stop. You can find love. But it's best to be very cautious about those online. Even though it may be fun and it gets you an opportunity to meet interesting people, the negatives outweigh the positives. It's dangerous and could led to more heartbreak. So I am just saying, use your head.
Know who you're dealing with with before you jump into romance or marriage.
I'm going to have patience and a whole lot of mistrust towards people nowadays.
People can't keep their word when they deliver on their promises. That goes for online dating.
I am struggling for success. I will hopefully find love someday. I hope the right person will be there. And of course, the race of the woman isn't a problem for me. I have no bias against women of color, transgender women, bisexual or independent women. If you're interesting, let's talk and move things forward.
I am not looking for much. I am looking for women who have independent minds. I don't have problem dating women with children. I don't have no problem traveling to meet a woman (as long as she has a means of transportation) to connect with me.
Well I do have a bias.
I don't like women who have no jobs, no money and no car. Also I will not date women who are pregnant and its not my child. I will not date anyone who is a drug abuser. I will never date tomboys, spoiled brats, and divas. Lastly, I will never date a woman who is obsessive phone caller.
Why do I end up dating these failures?
I don't have no problems dating any woman of color or nationality. Race shouldn't be a matter at least with me!
Not saying that all women are bad. I am just saying that the ones who are often looking for the "good guys" are the ones who got more issues than me.
These two were terrible. I wish them well on finding the right guy. Believe me, the next guy would probably head for the hills once he gets to know them.
Comedy Central's Key & Peele do a comedy sketch with comedian Natasha Leggaro. They are talking about White women dating and having sex with Black men.
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