Friday, October 09, 2009

OK Cupid and Racism in the Romantic Sphere

I agree with J. Chang at Racialicious. People may have romantic/marital preferences yet at at the same time want to deny that their decision are based upon racial/ethnic bias. America is incresingly segregated by race and ethnicity. It shows in school statistics, where one lives, plays, worships, and even shops(whole malls are coded as upscale/downscale/black/white/Hispanic).

We all know that Black women are the last picked by nonblack men across the board and that White women are more race-picky when it comes to choosing lifemates.


Before you say anything - it’s actually well done and an interesting read.
The OK Cupid staff processed some raw data to find out exactly how users matched across race and subsequently, how users respond to others across races. The results weren’t particularly shocking as I am living it everyday, but still, to see this chart I get a very real physical reaction. A general malaise. In short, Black women are the least desirable women on the site. And overwhelmingly so. I mean look at that sad pink/orange bar.
In the comment’s section of the post, hundreds of faux scholars (idiots) drolled on about how this data doesn’t mean anything, and maybe it’s just CULTURAL differences, maybe more black women are fat. Maybe more black women use bad grammar/text speak. It’s totally not racist to not want to date one race. It’s just a preference!
I wish there were a sound associated with plainface, blank stare blinking - the sound of eyelashes going up and down. Because that’s what you’d hear from me right now. Toothsuck.
I agree that a preference and inclination to your own race is not racist. But the buck stops there. EXCLUDING races is, in fact, fucked up. It’s not racist in the sense that Blacks riding in the back of the bus was institutionally racist, but I mean, come on.
In the article, they also display users’ answers to the question “Would you prefer to date someone of your own race?” Non-whites answered around the 25% yes, 75% no range while white men and women were around 45% yes. To this one man replies:
“The second question was worded as “Would you strongly prefer to date someone of your own skin color/racial background”. I answered that question “No”, because I’d be fine dating white, middle-eastern, latin-american, native-american, and asian women, but I’d simply not be attracted to african-american women. That is NOT racism, however – I work and socially interact with black women, and don’t have any problem with it. Developing an intimate relationship, however, is a very different thing.”
I would date every race except black bitches. BUT I KNOW BLACK LADIES SO I’M TOTALLY NOT A BIGOT. A lot of people think this way. A fucking lot. On the one hand it’s hard to fault people for being products of their environment - that is, finding attractive the people we are TOLD to find attractive. But on the other, I’m not about to give everyone a pass because “that’s just how things are”. My ass, you can kiss it.
It’s hard for me to really explain how it feels to be a part of the group that is overwhelmingly undesired. To be seen as universally unattractive. Of course there are so many factors that led to how this data came to be, geography, age, culture and so on, but let’s not kid ourselves. The data would tell a similar story no matter how you slice it.
The one group that has it worse that us - Indian men. Where my Indian fellas at? Let’s commiserate.
This is so fucked up. It’s just so depressing, yet I am not completely shocked about the results that were found. Damn.


These findings are a reflection of who we are as Americans. If anyone has something to say, please say it.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

its hard for any interracial relationships but black/white is prob the hardest, more so depending on where you are in the world.

as a white guy who has dated black women, I can say my parents don't really approve, that makes it difficult. It's sad but its how things are sometimes within families. I think in time, as things are getting more diverse all across the board, interracial dating will be easier. Those percentages would have been a lot lower years ago right?

Orzu7 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

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